I CAN MOONWALK!
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
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