my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
