If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
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