TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
Randomize
