ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize
