You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
Randomize
