Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
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