week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize
