idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
