My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
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