Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
Randomize
