She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
I am full of burrito and curiosity
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
