The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
Randomize
