Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Randomize
