I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize