i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize
