Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
What happened to fro yo and sex?
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize
