Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
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