Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize
