Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
Randomize
