Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
You are a genius and a whore.
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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