Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
