drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
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