I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
Randomize
