You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
Randomize
