Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Randomize
