never play flip cup with pint glasses
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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