I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
Randomize
