you're like a bully in the Christmas story
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
Randomize
