well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
Randomize
