I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
I checked into jail on foursquare
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
Randomize
