I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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