I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Randomize
