To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
Randomize
