I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize
