Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize
