Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
