I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
Text me some of your sweat
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