well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
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