I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
drinking out of a sandbucket again
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
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