The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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