i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
Randomize
