oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
Randomize
