Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
i am craving dick and cupcakes
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
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