I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
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