he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
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It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
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Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
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