I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
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