Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
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