I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Randomize
