Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
Randomize
