Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize
