Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
Randomize
