i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Randomize
