So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
Randomize
