The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
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