Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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