I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
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