He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Randomize
