I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
Randomize
