Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Randomize
