i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
worst night to have a conscience
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
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