Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
Randomize