if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Randomize
