U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
He told me they were just razor bumps!
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Randomize
