im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Randomize
